The Version of You That Loves Infomercials

Disconnecting from identity in order to create a new reality.

Oct 27, 2023

I sometimes video-record myself talking to my “future self.” A sort of status update on life if you will: what I’m learning, thinking, feeling, and so forth. I physically journal too, but there’s something about watching my own facial expressions and emotions in video that hits different. My time capsule!

Most recently I watched a video diary from 23 year old me - who was equipped with some mindsets that I couldn’t believe she had that I didn’t. She’s me afterall. And I’m the older one. I was pissed. (Can I have older sister energy with my younger self? I don’t know how time hopping works, someone ask Christopher Nolan)

Anyways, the whole ordeal made me feel like I’d fallen off some sort of magical white horse and lost my midas touch. Now worried I’d misplaced all this progress or knowledge or wisdom or whatever somewhere in the past two years. As if me and her are still the same person. As if she had something that I couldn’t recreate.

Unlearning yourself

I think there’s a big problem with identifying yourself over and over again as the same things. This quote by Joe Dispenza really encapsulates that:

"You repeatedly reproduce the same level of mind by “re-minding” yourself who you think you are in reference to the outer world.”
Joe Dispenza | Breaking The Habit Of Being Yourself

Who you are can change every second, minute, and instant as long as you don’t hold close to the idea that your identity is set in stone. Being open to possibility is integral to our change. And we’re so scared of that. Yet, it’s what frees us from being trapped in a never ending state of the same.

We wait for curriculum to tell us we can enroll to learn a new skill. We wait for science to give us permission to improve. We wait for work to tell us were worthy of more money. And in that, waiting becomes a new religion. Moment-to-moment, we give our autonomy away to what we’ve always done. Which often is more of the same.

What would happen if we woke up everyday and said: “I’m open to new possibilities. Maybe, I’m even choosing them.” Does that simple sentence open the door for us to finally leave life’s waiting room?

Darwin’s determinism (still) doesn’t work

In an article from last year, I discuss how scarcity mindset or “darwin’s determinism” can block us from achieving our goals. But, I think the same is true for our beliefs about who we are and who we want to be. We always think that we can change who we are by actualizing more goals. If we do this then this and this: my life changes. Like: I’ll be the boss lady when I get my next promotion. But, the boss lady doesn’t live in the next promotion. She doesn’t even exist. Because the story you tell yourself implies that you have to wait for someone else to create her. In a narrative like this, that idea of you will always belong to someone else.

“When you decide who you inherently are is based on your past self, you block growth, create shame, and remain stagnant in that old self-concept story.”
Victoria Albina | 2022

You have the option of living in a new way

We can easily predict the feeling of experiences that were bound to in our day to day. When I need coffee, I know that first sip is fill my body with a new energy to start the day. When I get a meeting request from a certain coworker, I know that means to clear the rest of my day because there’s an issue. To some extent, such is life.

Hypersimple concepts? Right. But, what about those experiences that aren’t in our day to day life? What would it feel like to feel emotionally bonded to the idea of publishing your first book even if you haven’t written a page? What would it feel like to restore connection with an estranged family member even if you’re not on speaking terms now? What would it feel like to get that promotion that you’re dreaming about in the above section? If you knew it was coming, would you change how you behave now? Or would you stop waiting for people to bestow her power to you, knowing that she is already promised?

Do you feel like I’m crazy? (‘Cause I totally am) What I’m essentially getting at is that we have to be more romantic about our future in the present moment. Because living in the emotional states of our past is a sure-fire ticket to nowhere.

Would said boss lady get stressed when a coworker puts a meeting on her calendar? No. She probably doesn’t connect to the emotion of stress in the same way that her non-promoted self did. So you shouldn’t either. Even now. Because remember - she doesn’t just start existing with a promotion. She has to be created long before then.

To reconnect with that old family member we have to choose compassion now. Not later. To write the book you have to trust your story now. Not when it’s on shelves. We have to wake up and realize those trains we want to get on, those experiences we want to have: they are not coming to sweep us into a new life.

Later comes and goes. And you never notice it pass by until it’s already gone.

There is a version of me who…

I do a meditation that encourages me to think about a problem in my life and then say “There is a version of me who…” handles this way better than me. For example:

Lately, I’ve been having to force myself to help clean. In this meditation I would say: “There’s a version of me who is having so much fun when she’s cleaning.” And then magically, this opens the door for me to smile next time I’m cleaning. To tap into that version of me who is so passionate about Myers cleaning products that she sounds like a walking infomercial. Who enjoys smelling all the different scents at the grocery store and bringing the best ones into her house. Who loves cleaning because she finally gets to listen to 1989 (T’s Version) for the first time completely uninterrupted. Who gets to read a woodsy book in a house that smells like an apple orchard.

Then after a few minutes of this romanticizing…cleaning sounds nice? Joyful? Like who TF could ever hate cleaning?

It all sounds so simple. I know it does. But, it’s also a process that has changed my life in a variety of ways.

Link to Meditation

Leave your waiting room

I hope no matter where you’re at, you realize the door to that one waiting room you’ve been sitting in…It’s unlocked. And nothing is stopping you from leaving.

Here’s a quote to end on today:

“Be greater than the conditions in your environment… be greater than the emotional habits and addictions of the body. All of the adversity in our life is to initiate us into greatness.”
Joe Dispenza | Becoming Supernatural

This article was a little out of my wheelhouse, but I hoped you still enjoyed. It was what came up at the keyboard today so I just went with it.

This week’s whose-its-and-whats'-its:

If you liked Molly’s Game, you will enjoy listening to this interview with Molly Bloom on Youtube. So interesting, fascinating, powerful.
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